So many little things...

                                                                               Aspen has been reaching so many milestones! She has been moving all over! She has been sliding around since the beginning of March, but now she can make it to almost wherever she wants! She doesn't quit crawl but now she is getting on her knees, she used to butt crawl and once I saw her try crawling on her head, and even doing a head crawl, but soon she will be more mobile and I will need to supervise her more.                                                                                                                      Reese always wants to get married in the temple. It's so cute how she asks, and it's pretty often that she does. When she asks I have to have Aspen stand up and hold her hands, because apparently that's how you get married. I love her little ideas! Every day I go to the mailbox hoping to receive an ok from the 1st Presidency to be sealed. Nothing yet, but it's kind of exciting going to see every day. Hopefully soon I will get the letter, because waiting is fun and all, but I still want to get it done while the girls fit in their dresses. I had my very talented friend make their white dresses out of my wedding dress in the same style. They are so adorable! I already get emotional thinking about seeing my little family in the temple all in white. I get teary eyed thinking about it, I will be such an overemotional lady that day it will be totally ridiculous, but I will love and appreciate every wondrous second of it!                                                                                                                                              I have been running since the middle of March. I still can't go very far, but I have lost 5 lbs!!! I have been using a program called Couch-to-5K and I have actually started dieting! I have always had it pretty easy. I've been pretty skinny my whole life without having to diet, but I have been pretty active up until I had a c-section when I had Reese. It has seriously taken a ton of self discipline and control to eat more healthy and not always eat what I want whenever I want. I have also cut out a lot of dairy, breads, and carbs, but I do give myself a break so I am not hating life. I also watch my portions and I honestly think this has made the biggest difference. I have noticed that there are always excuses like "we never eat this, so I can totally shove it all in my face and not feel guilty!" wrong! "we are just here at a family get together so of course I need to try everything, and of course go back for the good stuff." wrong! Also I have found that I am completely addicted to sugar! Ha ha, if it's there I honestly feel like saying no to sugary goods is like a heroin addict having heroin sitting in front of them...it's nearly impossible! Hopefully I stay on the health kick. I haven't ran for almost a week, so the next run should be interesting....it's been cold and windy, so it's not really my style to run when it's cold. I have been trying to get ready for a 5k that is this Saturday, but with crappy weather I'm not as prepared as I would have liked to be. Oh well it will still be awesome to do! It's been pretty hard on me to not have my body back since I've had babies, so it's my goal this year to get in shape. I never thought it would have such an effect on me but it has. Back in the day I was so distraught over my infertility problems that I didn't care about the after baby effect it could have. I am totally thankful for my two angels and would still go through it all again. Speaking of kids, can I just say how much Reese loves to push my buttons! She is also too smart for her own good! She has been escaping grandma's house through doors she has found that don't have the child proofing on them. Yesterday Grandma locked her door so she couldn't sneak out through the door that leads to the patio. A little while later Reese came begging me for keys so I gave her some. She actually figured out how to unlock it!                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  I love my kids so much and cannot imagine life without them! I hope that as they grow, they know how truly important they are to me and how much I love them. I tell them everyday "Reese, Aspen, and daddy are Mommy's whole world!" I have a lot of hopes for them and ultimately want them to be happy. I hope they will make the best choices they can, because that's where our happiness comes from. I have been thinking a lot about advice for my kids choosing their spouse. 

Here is a list I have been pondering.... 

 *Worthy member of the church 

 *Honors priesthood, obeys commandments 

 *Seeks and only wants a temple marriage 

 *Respects you and others 

 *Takes care of you when you are sick or not having a great day 

 *College education with a degree :) 

 *Practical 

 *Good with money, just because someone makes a lot of money doesn't mean they use it wisely. *Contemplates big decisions carefully

 *Make sure to agree on if you want a stay at home mommy. This was not in our plans and we have to sacrifice and adjust to make it happen. A loss of a second income is a lot, but so worth it! Your kids are only kids once. Also you can't trust others to raise them the way you want. 

 *Honest, trustworthy 

 *Treats you as an equal

 *Never degrades anyone, builds people up

 *Not critical 

 *Patient

 *Someone you laugh with and have fun with. No one is perfect, we all have our ups and downs, but at the end of the day if you would still only want to be with that person inspite of the bad, then stick with them! Work through everything-even the hard things-there is no way to agree on everything so let stupid things go. Being stubborn isn't worth losing your best friend over.

Things I don't want to forget...

 So after adding another little beauty to my world I have realized how fast time slips away. It wasn't too bad after I got used to Reese, but now I have less memory and less time. I keep a journal for the girls, just little things here and there, but sometimes I get busy and forget to take the time to write down the things I don't want to forget.  So I have thought of some of the things from this year that I don't want to forget.

Yellowstone, Bear exhibit June 2012

1.  When we were on our way to Yellowstone in June, we stopped at Arctic Circle to eat.  Jake was eating, and well when he eats he usually is wearing some of it on his face.  Reese was sitting next to him and all of a sudden she said, "Mess. Dad. Mess" and then handed him a napkin.

2011 Dodge Journey we said goodbye to :(

2.  Jake coming home the day before my birthday saying, "We are going to start doing something, and I don't think you are going to like it...."  this was when he decided to start paying tithing, which lead him to sacrifice some of the things he really wished he didn't have to...the nice car, eating out, and pretty much being flat out broke.  But this is the beginning to the end of our journey to the temple to be sealed forever.  <3 best.birthday.="best.birthday." ever="ever" gift.="gift." p="p">

Reese in the Nibley baby contest.

3.  Reese copying everything I say, and now she loves to say, "Thank you, so much, so much," to everybody for everything.

4.  Seeing Aspen for the first time, and not being able to wait to hold her. I couldn't wait for the nurses to bring her to me, even for the night feedings. I was so excited! I couldn't sleep, so they gave me some sleeping pills to help.

5.  Reese always wanting to hold Aspen all the time. Reese loves her so much! She will only show Aspen certain things and not us. Like when I wanted to see her do a "front flip" (somersault) she would only show Aspen. Reese claps her hands at me when she wants to hold her and then she says, "hole her."

6.  When we sold our car before we wouldn't have been able to make a payment.  Reese getting potty trained at 25 months old! Having Jake at the hospital when Aspen was born (Tithing blessings.)

7.  When we bought our Elantra and Jake had to work on it, Reese was always out there with him. One day she was not really paying attention to anything Jake was doing, just swinging on the handrail by the stairs in the garage, he just finished doing something kinda important, and she looked at him and gave him the thumbs up and said, "Good job, Dad."

Going to lunch with grandpa and getting her this huge cotton candy that she devoured!

8.  Reese wanting to put makeup on with me in the mornings.  I love it. I won't lie. I think it is adorable that she wants to play dress up.  While putting on make up one morning, she looked at me and said, "Mommy pretty." Melted my heart!

9.  Reese doing hair the way she sees me do other people's hair.  But sometimes it hurts. LOL

10.  Reese kissing Aspen while in my tummy.

Reese eating batter from her birthday cake

11. Reese watering my flowers outside. Reese helping me mix the cookie or brownie batter.

12. Going for long walks in the summer with Reese and Jake.

13. Reese grabbing my face when she has something important to say and telling me, "Listen." Or when she tells us "Having fun" and nods her head like it's fact.

14. Jake always kissing me goodnight and before he leaves for work.

Reese's first day at nursery 2/12/2012

1st day after nursery-couldn't make it to lunch

15. Reese learning how to say a prayer, and in her prayer praying for "Assen, mommydad, grampas, Asher, Jesse, Tyler Bakin, Pocket, chooch, Jesus, wook. AMEN!" (Translation: Aspen, Mommy and Dad, Grampas, Asher, Jesse, Tyler Baker, Prophet, church, Jesus, work. AMEN!) She will sometimes include grandma, but for some reason it's just grampas.

16. Reese dancing to the Wiggles, her favorites are "Hey Pirate Dancing's Fun," "Emu," "Rockabye your Bear."

17. I love seeing the excitement on Reese's face when she discovers something.  Everything is still so new and amazing to her!

18. Reese knowing how to count to 10 and sometimes 13 before she was two! She could also sing her ABC's!

Years ago, I would have said you were crazy if you would have told me I would be this lucky to have such an amazing life, but I guess there is always something that makes you appreciate what you have.  I am sure blessed. I don't know what I did to deserve this, but I hope I can be truly deserving of all that has been given to me.

Spring stuff

  So I am pretty much the least photogenic person I know! But here is a picture of me at 21 weeks.  I thought I would wear the same outfit as one of my other pics to compare them.  I'm not too much bigger, but I think this baby is sitting differently. We found out on March 20 that we are having a girl, and of course all of the previous names suddenly don't seem right. So for now it is going to be Aspen Brielle.  Jake didn't end up going to the ultrasound as promised, he ended up not working the day before so he couldn't miss work.  I was still pretty upset and of course emotional when I found out that morning that he wasn't going, because then I was going by myself.  I guess I have just always had a vision that something as exciting as that should be shared with at least someone. Oh well, I survived.

With the warmer weather here, me and Reese have been playing at the park a lot.  She loves it!!! She follows all of the big kids around and goes down all the slides by herself! I told her to go down the twisty slide and I wasn't sure how it would go, needless to say she crashed, but now she knows to slide on her tummy.

I found some home made recipes for finger paints that haven't worked out so well, but I guess she has had fun making a mess and painting, so it has been good to have something different to keep her entertained when we can't go outside.

Here is Reese's first easter eggs. She would pretty much drop or throw them in the dye.

For those of you that didn't know, I have been doing hair for 6 years now, and I finally have a salon in my house so if you need anything give me a call.  I recently started doing shellac nails and I love them!!! They last forever and the shine is amazing!  Here is what I plan on charging for different services.

Haircuts: (includes shampoo)

Women: $15

Men: $10

Kids: $5

Hair Color: (includes haircut)

1 allover color:  starts at $30

Weave/slices: starting at $45 for one color

For each additional color $5

Men Hair color: $15

Perm: starting at $35 for short hair, $45 for medium hair, long hair starting at $55

Spa Services

Deep Conditioning Treatment: $10

Facial: $20

Pedicure: $10

Manicure: $10

Shellac: $10

Eyebrow/facial waxing: $8 

Specials…

With any service $10 and up get a facial for $10, or a deep conditioning treatment for $5.

Refer 2 friends and receive a free haircut, free deep conditioning treatment or a facial for $10.

Get a facial and receive a deep conditioning treatment for just $5.

10 foil highlights, shampoo, haircut $45!

(one color, $5 for additional colors)

18 Weeks and Spring Fever!

I am officially 18 weeks today! We get to find out what we are having on Tuesday! I am way excited, Jake will actually get to be there this time! I really feel like we are having a boy, and apparently so does everyone else ha ha.  I'm good with either, and I know Jake really really really really really wants a boy too. He has this idea that he can teach a boy how to do wheelies on four wheelers and bikes, and that girls can't do that.  I think our little Reese can do anything, she is super active and already pretty athletic. We will show him. ;) When I was pregnant last time with Reese by this time we had pretty much decided on names for both a boy and a girl, at this point we really only have a name for a boy, Chance, and we also like the name Noah.  For girl names we can't decide on Tessa, Mindi, Journey and that's pretty much all that I can remember that we have agreed on.  With Chance we can't decide on a middle name, my dad has this idea that we should name him Chance Jacob, which isn't bad, we just aren't fans of naming our kids after ourselves.  So the middle name is still undecided, but I guess we have 22 weeks left to figure that out. 

I really wish that the weather would just warm up! Reese and I are going crazy staying inside all day, or maybe she is driving me crazy. She has a ton of energy and nowhere to put it. Sometimes we go to McDonald's or the mall's play place with friends so she can play, but it's just not the same. I took her outside the other day so she could ride her little four wheeler Santa brought her for Christmas and she loved it! When we came back in she kept grabbing our hands and taking us to the door so we could take her, but she was really mad when we didn't.  Today the high is supposed to be 63 degrees so hopefully the wind won't blow and we can go to a park and play.  

The other day we went to Uncle Dave and Aunt Steph's house to see all the animals.  We got to see 2 little pigs, sheep, ducks, and baby chicks! Reese loved it! She couldn't understand why she couldn't catch the sheep or the pigs.  She kept crouching down and patting her legs like she would call her dogs and they still didn't come, it was pretty funny! She has been learning all of the animal sounds and she can't quite understand what the pig says, so hopefully this video does it justice.  

Normal Life

So Jake was able to start working with his brothers doing masonry again  in December, which makes me and Reese super happy! He has been able to be home every night for this last month.  It's been really good to spend more than just a day or two or even a few hours a week together as a family. However, the times when he was driving and was only home for a few hours here and there really makes us not take this time together for granted.  

 I will admit though that it has been weird having to make dinner more often and try to have it ready by the time Jake and his brother gets home.  But I have been more motivated to cook and have good meals prepared. I thank pinterest.com for this! Seriously when I am in a cooking rut, I check out pinterest and can always find something new to try. Ok, ok maybe I actually check it every day for recipes, but I haven't tried anything from pinterest that I haven't liked yet.  

This is me at 16 weeks when I was pregnant with Reese...quite a difference.

 

I am now 15 weeks along! Time has gone by fast with this pregnancy, I guess the first 11 weeks were slow and really rough, but now I am past the morning sickness stage and getting more energy back. Thank goodness since I have our little one to chase around! We get to find out what we are having on Tuesday, March 20th! That will be here before we know it! I honestly will be happy with whatever we have, but with finances super tight it would be great to have another girl so we can just use what we already have.  

 At my last appointment, I was talking to the doctor about having a VBAC. I really feel that this would be beneficial for me.  I look back to when I had Reese and it was hard enough to heal and take care of myself and one tiny baby after a c-section, I can't imagine having to try to do that and take care of an extra person now.  I really like the idea of a faster healing process, but there are no guarantees so I need to be ok with whatever happens.  My doctor said that they could do an ultra sound later in my pregnancy to guess the weight of the baby, so that we can factor all of this in.  I still have time to decide. I have been praying about what would be best and I haven't received an answer yet, hopefully I get one before I'm 9 months pregnant for peace of mind.  I would just hate to go through a ton of labor again and end up having another c-section.  Anyone have any thoughts on this? 

It would be fun to see what everyone thinks I'm having so vote on the right hand bar on my page! Thanks :)

Family

  This year and summer have just flown by. Sometimes I feel that I hardly have any time to think.  Jake has recently started driving with Fed-ex so hopefully all goes as well as we are told.  He should be able to have more time off and at home.  I am waiting for my salon room to be finished so that I can start helping out with income.  I should hopefully get finished pretty fast, I have had my chair and sink for a while now, and it will be a lot better than doing hair in my kitchen. 
  I always seem to feel sorry for myself because we aren't the "normal" family with the same schedules as everyone else. But I have started to realize that everyone's family is different.  I should feel very blessed and lucky that he gets to come home, even if it's just a short time, because a lot of families have fathers who are deployed and may not even get to come home.  I guess this is where the song "Count your blessings," comes into play. 
 Our little Reese is such a busy little girl.  She goes everywhere and doesn't seem to be afraid of anything! She is so smart and such a fast learner. It is fun to see the different levels of learning she is at, and how she learns what she does.  It also amazes me that I am responsible to teach her the most important things she needs to know.  I only hope that I don't fail her and that I can show her love, patience, and compassion that every little girl needs so that she can turn out to be the best little Reese she can.  I know I am not perfect and I am still learning as well, but I hope my short comings won't affect her too much unless she is learning what not to do.  
"Try a little harder to be a little better." Gordon B. Hinkley

TMI...(graphic?)

...on Saturday July 9, I lost the baby.  It was crazy. The day started off just like when I went into labor with Reese. I had some bad contractions in my back and I knew it was coming.  This time though I felt like I needed to push, which was very strange, and a few minutes later with no pushing my water broke and out came a tiny 1 inch baby.  It looked perfect to me, just like the pictures you would see if you looked up a 9 week old fetus online.  The rest of the day and Sunday I spent having contractions and back labor, Monday I still had to go get an ultra sound and more tissue was found. So the doctor gave me some medicine to give me more contractions (great since I had finally stopped having them), but hopefully this would prevent me from having a D&C.  I honestly have the worst luck ever so I imagine I will still have to have a D&C, but I am staying hopeful that I won't. 

Even with the loss of another baby, I have been so blessed to feel so much comfort.  I truly feel that this little one has served its purpose to come and receive a body.  For those who don't know, we have been working on going through the temple for a while now, which gives us more comfort to know we will see those who have passed again. 

While I have felt so much comfort there has still been sadness, but I came across a website on what not to say to someone who has miscarried, it's pretty true. I haven't been bitter about the loss of this baby, but I remember hearing all of these things with my first loss and it sucked. Now I know that people generally don't know what to say, but thought I would post these anyway, just so you know these don't bother me any more, but I know that many who have had a miscarriage would appreciate this. :) Remember I copied this from a website.

o You can always have another!" (they want this baby! also..maybe they cant have another...)Also this comment is often very offhand...


o 2. "Now you have angel looking after you" (they didnt want an angel-they want their BABY back!)

o 3."its for the best" (How?The best is a successful healthy pregnancy!)

o 4."At least you didnt know your baby!"(whether the baby was held in the parents arms or their minds, it was REAL!)

o 5."There must have been something wrong" (with me? why?)

o 6." Did you do something you werent supposed to do?"(inflicts guilt/how could i have done this to my baby!?)

o 7."Have you ever thought of NOT having children!?"(well yes probably!I know i might never be a parent....)

o 8."Be grateful for the children you have!"(I am but I still need to mourn the one i have lost!)

o 9."It wont happen again"(I never thought it could happen..and to some unlucky people it does happen again!)

o 10.""Be brave,dont cry"(why not!!!?)

o 11."Get on with your life,this isnt the end of the world!"(right now it IS)

o 12."You should be over it by now!"( why!?This is not something you just 'get over')

o 13."Youre young, you'll get over it" (what does age have to do with pain!?)

o 14."Time will heal" (Time will make the pain easier to bear yes,but that is no help at the moment...)

o 15."At least it wasnt older" (it still matters and it still HURTS!)

(In general best not to start with "at least"..it can sound as though you are trying to brush off the tragedy.)

o 16."It was Gods will"

Feelings....

I honestly don't know where to start...on May 24, 2011 I decided to give in to my feelings and take a pregnancy test...it came back positive instantly! We hadn't been trying so this was a huge shock (especially since I had tried for 3 years with my first hubby and 1 1/2 years with Jake to get pregnant with no success) and I honestly didn't know how I felt about being pregnant again.  As time had went on though, I was more excited that I would have two little angels! I made Jake promise me that he would be to two of my dr appointments, my first one and when we were to find out what we were having.  So we went to my appointment on June 27th only to find one baby with no heartbeat.  I had been having a bad feeling for about a week, so I guess I kind of expected it, but thought that since I had had no signs of miscarriage that I was safe.  I guess that even with out any kind of bleeding the baby can quit developing inside you, while your body still thinks you are pregnant....that was so hard! One of the worst things about this is that I have been sick with morning sickness, which is normally a good sign, and with Reese I didn't have hardly any at all, so I guess in a way I feel like I worked or had pushed through being sick for nothing, I felt cheated. 

Since this was not my first miscarriage, in ways this is harder, I guess I kind of felt like I had done my "time" by having the first one and that I wouldn't have any more.  Now it makes me worry for the future, the next time I am pregnant I will be worrying no matter even if I have absolutely no signs of miscarriage.  I will have a ton of anxiety! However, even with the sadness, right now I feel at peace.  I believe that it will be much easier getting through this since I have my little Reese.  I have also been thinking that this is one of my trials and I just have to make it through it. I always thought that if I knew what my trials were it would be easier, it is still hard, but I know that Heavenly Father will keep His promises, I just have to work on mine.

I am so grateful for all of our friends and family that have shown us support. I am sorry though if I have been distant, I guess it's just my way of dealing with things.  I don't know how to respond or take the pity that people give so I guess it's easier to stay away. Don't get me wrong it is super nice to know that people care I just suck at feelings. 

Right now it's a waiting game, if I don't miscarry on my own this week, I have to go in and have a d&c.  So maybe my feelings will change by then since I haven't really lost the baby yet, so once again sorry if I don't answer the phone it is hard to talk about, but please don't give up on me...I love you guys. Thanks for understanding. 

Ups and Downs

Reese and Mom New Years Eve Dec. 31, 2010

Above Reese 4 months Dec. 2010

Reese and Grandpa Stocks

Above Reese 6 months feeding herself for the first time!

Above Reese 6 months

Since having a baby I have felt a lot of ups and downs. It's so amazing to be a mom to this little angel that I have been waiting for a very long time. At the same time, no one can prepare any one for the amount of stress and life change that a bundle of joy can bring. I don't mean to make it sound like it is so hard, but I honestly feel like a single parent. I know that if Jake could be here it would be a million times easier, I am always so grateful when he comes home. I definitley know how hard it can be for single mommies to work and take care of a little one by their self, I have a lot of respect for them. I am just so lucky that I am able to stay home and do online classes with my baby monster. Jake and I have grown even closer since Reese was born. It's amazing at all the changes babies bring. She has softened his heart more than I have ever seen. It is so sweet and heartbreaking!